previous months: 1/1/2020 -- 7/26/2020 

8/14/2020   8/18/2020   8/28/2020   9/7/2020   9/16/2020   9/17/2020   9/20/2020  
10/10/2020   10/12/2020   11/5/2020   11/18/2020   12/7/2020   12/11/2020   12/20/2020  
12/21/2020   12/24/2020   12/25/2020   12/27/2020   12/31/2020  
1/1/2021 -- next page  

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8/14/2020

I thought it would be good to get this segment of my blog started off on the right foot. Here is a link I posted to a few mailing lists, some Facebook groups, etc.: It got a surprisingly (to me) good response. I guess it's good to be honest.


8/18/2020

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!!!!!

You simply amaze me. I am so lucky to have you here! I cherish all our talks, all our discussions, our life.


8/28/2020

The moon is reflecting across Puget Sound. There is a great horned owl in a pine tree just down the bluff from our home. Classes at Columbia start in a little over a week. I just finished watching a week of the Republican National Convention (well, as much as I could stand), and the incredible number of lies-per-unit-time was just mind-boggling. And I think Trump might win, because IDIOTS WILL BELIEVE THAT CRAP!!!!!!!

I have a lot to write here, but I've been swamped with getting things ready for classes, plus just general collapse. Columbia hasn't been fun lately. I need to regain myself somehow. And not catch COVID-19.


9/7/2020

Classes start tomorrow. I think I'm ready. In fact. I think I may be over-ready. If I'm over-prepared, sometimes things go south and the class is bad. But sometimes it's really good! And sometimes when I'm not prepared at all, it goes well, but then again... sometimes it's a disaster. So here we go.

I had a nice zoom chat with Georg Haas a few hours ago. I've had a lot of interest in my classes. Jill prepared a delicious dinner of salmon and wild rice. After dinner I took these photos:

Why say this here? Why so blunt? "Hey, here they are." I want to remind future-Brad that life was good. I've been reading Umberto Eco's posthumously published book of essays On the Shoulders of Giants and many deal with the perception of the invisible, the ineffable, the sacred. I feel that I touch it here, on Whidbey Island, imagining my life unfolding somehow. It probably won't that way.

I showed Shai some videos I thought he might enjoy when Shai/Itay/Lian were visiting this past weekend. I chose Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammer and Cyriak Harris' Meow Mix (the cat looks just like Xenon). Shai laughed so hard he got the hiccups. It was wonderful! "Grampop, they just sledgehammered a chicken egg!" Life is soooo good.


9/16/2020

It's really been strange out here. I look at the pictures I posted in my last text here, and then contemplate this one: That's what the smoke blowing into Puget Sound from the western wildfires has done. At least (least!) we're not in danger of the fires; some of my friends are (Evy! Perry!). But they seem to be ok. I took this photo after dinner tonight: It's the first time I've been able to see 'Possession Point' (just around the corner from us on the island) since more than a week ago. Maybe now people will gain an understanding of how important environmental issues are for us? Nah...

Classes are going well, I think. It's hard to tell. The Zoom interface is constrictive, although I've discovered it's good for many pedagogical aspects. Not so good for connecting with students, though. This may be the future. Sitting out here on Whidbey, it's not too bad. I feel oddly disconnected. And the election, oh the election.


9/17/2020

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JILL!!!!!!!

This one was one of those 'numbers' that we privilege in our counts. And here we are! Jeez, it's impossible for me to write how much I still love Jill. What a lucky, lucky guy I am.


9/20/2020

I'm sitting out on our 'lower' back deck, after a wonderful weekend. Jill's birthday celebration could not have gone better, and we thought it might be a total 'bust' given the weather/smoke/life-in-general aspects. However, it was wonderful. We went on a Northwest Trek with Lian/Itay/Shai, and the experience was one of the best we've had. The guide was a real 'animal keeper' hired by the Northwest Trek people, and she was totally enveloped by her work. She communicated that to us, and it was magical. Shai got to hear and elk call! Touch a moose antler! These were not 'put on' things, either; they arose from the trip we took.

A great dinner afterwards, take-out from Canlis. We'll be going there next weekend for a 'crab shack' dinner. It was postponed from last weekend because of the smoke and hazardous air quality.

And that's what was truly special about this weekend. Rain, wind, the smoke has dissipated (for now). As I said, I'm sitting out in back, and the lights of Puget Sound wink in the distance. For now, there is peace. There is beauty. There is joy-in-life, in this moment, that I didn't even realize I was missing. This is what I want to protect, for my kids, my grandchildren, for the world, from the horrible politics that are now playing out. I look up, I see the stars. I hear owls hooting. The fire next to me is dancing. This is wonderful. Happy New Year!


10/10/2020

There is almost too much to write these days. But much of what I tend to write is merely reportage: I did this. Others did that. Then the politics. Oh my goodness. Oh my.

Our current political insanity caused me to go back and re-read some of my earliest blog posts. Trump received dexamethasone as part of his anti-COVID therapy. This steroid makes you crazy! To remind myself of just how crazy, I went back to read this entry:

and also this one: A manic, psychotic Donald Trump. I doubt anyone sees any difference.

I read a few more entries around these two, and what struck me is how focused they were. I had things to say! Big things! Now I talk about weather conditions, blah blah. I think that's probably a good thing. I don't really want to be "focused" like I was at the beginning of this happy myeloma odyssey.

I did have a moderate epiphany moment today; something I haven't really had for awhile. The weather was bizarre -- half the sky was cloudy/stormy, the other half was blue with sunshine. Lightning flashing with rolling peals of distant thunder in the dark portion, flocks of birds wheeling through the clear air in the light. Somehow it all just seemed very real, in a way I hadn't felt for awhile. It was cool. It was autumn. The weight of it all, the sense of it. I had to go inside.




10/12/2020

I think I've mentioned this in my blog before, but I pretty much have music running through my mind all the time. This past weekend (and now) it is a particular passage from the rock 'opera' Quadrophenia by The Who. I listened and listened and listened again to this record over and over during my junior and senior year in high school. I hear it now, and I partially become a high-school Brad, wondering how life will be. Of course it wasn't what I imagined, but that doesn't dull the sensation of time connected from then to now.

The particular passage happens towards the very end of the opera, after much sound and fury, when suddenly everything clears away and synth french-horns play a measured fanfare:

i imagined this -- in music -- was what it would be like to achieve, that this was what it would be like to accomplish, to reach the goal. This was the sound of fulfillment, the clearing away of procedural debris to reveal the reality of life. I loved that virtual feeling. I still do.

Listen to those horns! The reverb that gives them weight! Can I be the person for whom those sounds exist? What kind of music can I make? I need to do more!

But at the same time I now know that those momentary time-points only exist in a continuum, and that continuity is what makes life complete. I've had a few occasions when that 'clearing away' seemed tangible -- standing next to Jill during our wedding, walking out of Dodge Hall for the first time after getting tenure at Columbia, driving home from both Lian's and Daniel's birth. I hear that music in my head, and I relive all of them.


11/5/2020

We're in the throes of the election. I have no idea how it will turn out, but things are starting to look a little more optimistic for Biden/Harris. I haven't written too much about our contemporary politics here, partly because I am so aghast. I am disgusted that about half of our country thought that Trump was doing a decent job, and should be re-elected. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. And he may still win.

Time continues.

sunrise.

sunset. Time continues. I need to do more music. Classes have been good, but intense.



11/18/2020

I feel adrift. I float, but without the sense of freedom that often accompanies floating. The slowly-revealed joy of Biden/Harris winning the election, then followed by the DISGUSTING ANNOYING STUPIDITY of Trump and Associates, confounded by the dramatic escalation of COVID cases, I don't know what to do. We've had cold, windy, rainy, Puget-sound-like weather. Our roof has developed a small leak. We're not even sure if we'll be able to see Lian/Itay/Shai in person over the Thanksgiving Day holiday (and who-knows-when we can meet with Daniel again, to say nothing of the rest of my family. I miss you all!).

This all will pass, and hopefully we'll survive it. There is good vaccine news, although we are still months away from the benefits that will happen. I've started poking away at a new piece. The term is almost ended. What shall we do, what shall we do.


12/7/2020

I'm not keeping up this blog like I should! I'm a LAZY bum! And I've missed some important things to record here:

JILL AND I ARE GOING TO BE GRANDPARENTS AGAIN!!!!!!!


YES! The bold and underlined fonts are warranted! Lian and Itay made the 'official' announcement to the family on Thanksgiving. She's due to have a little girl on May 28. We asked Shai what he thought would be a good name, and he replied promptly "baby girl sister". So there you have it! Obviously, we're absolutely thrilled. Something for sure to blog about.



I've also been remiss in not posting more photos here. I feel I need to do this, because the sunrises/sunsets on Whidbey have been spectacular. I know there's a redundancy in many of these pictures, but I just like them. So there!




     

     

     

And then there's this:






12/11/2020

I'm gradually beginning to feel that "Christmas Spirit", hooray! Even with COVID around, and Trump still forcing his way into the national consciousness (but soundly losing, hooray-some-more!), I'm starting to think back on all the wonderful past Christmases we've had.

I'm listening to my 'holiday' playlist, we got our tree today, and I put the outside lights up last week. Of course there's a theme. Baby Girl Sister coming! Here they are:



     

     





12/20/2020

Today is Lian's birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!!!!!!!

I recall scenes from that day, that night, the next day, thirty-four years ago. Clear as crystal! They are there, forever.


12/21/2020

Solstice. Light. The slow return from darkness.

But this year I'm worried that 'the darkness' will prevail. I simply cannot comprehend what people are believing about Trump and his unending stream of baseless lies. Rational discussion is impossible. I don't know what to say.

Bless us please, on this turnaround of darkness!


12/24/2020

Christmas Eve again, 2020. Jeez, what a year! I think I've fulfilled the 'traditional' things to do on this night -- magical tinsel on the tree for Shai to see tomorrow (trad. Lian and Daniel, of course), photos of the tree, gifts all ordered or arrived, arranged. Listening to Byzantine Music Of The Greek Orthodox Church: Hymns Of Christmas Eve, sipping amaretto. Could be cloudberry liquor, but I'll save it for tomorrow night. It seems more 'forward-looking'. It's newer. I didn't have any cloudberry liquor back in 2006(!), when I started this blog.

I certainly didn't imagine -- duh -- that I'd be looking out over Puget Sound back then, or even just a few years ago. Here we are, though, with the excitement of Shai, and new "Baby Sister" (Shai shortened his name for her from "Baby Girl Sister") on the way!

This pandemic. Hopefully coming to some kind of end with the vaccines now available. I think it affected me, affected all of us, more than I have admitted. I hope we've learned a lesson, but I'm afraid we haven't. But tonight and tomorrow are for good thoughts. Hopefully to continue into the future. I didn't think I'd be here, and certainly not here, but I am. We are. That's cause for rejoicing, or noels, or a renewal of the Christmas spirit. Merry Christmas!


12/25/2020

MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY! MERRY!


12/27/2020

What a Christmas season this has been! Below are photos of the tree this year. Note the number of packages underneath. Pandemics that prevent relatives from visiting their 4-year-old grandson/nephew/etc. are good for Amazon shopping.

Speaking of the grandson, it was a wonderful time with Shai/Lian/Itay. We'll be back in Seattle with them for New Year's Eve, but the memories from Christmas on Whidbey are still nice and glowing (and they will be for some time!). Shai got his first 'two-wheeler' bike! With training wheels, of course, but he'll be off and running on his own soon, I'm sure. Watching him start out made me realize that things we take for granted, like the difference between "pedaling forward" and "pedaling backwards". These have to be learned. And Shai did, quickly! He's a guy on the go!

And while Jill was working to get him dressed one morning (he prefers to run around in the nude), he turned to her and said very seriously: "Grandma, I'm going to challenge your authority."

So many other stories and memories! Talking with Daniel, zooming with the family, the joy of the season. I need to keep all this, somehow.

Here's the tree:

     

     

     

     





12/31/2020

New Year's Eve again. I'm feeling sort-of sadly nostalgic. Not for 2020, this has been a pretty awful year. There were good things, but all were shadowed by the horror of Trump's America, made particularly manifest in the coronavirus pandemic. We have a lot of work ahead of us -- good work, I hope.

No, the sadness is more a general awareness of the passing of the season, the passing of time. I let far too much of my life be colored by my hatred of things this year. I tried not too spill too much of my internal bile over into this blog, and the result was fewer entries! "But.. but... but..." I think, and off I go to my internal scream-land, my anger at what has happened to the world boiling over inside me.

It has been wonderful to spend time with my family, although we truly missed Daniel. With the vaccine coming we all hope we can see him again soon. And new "Baby Sister" (Shai has now shortened his name for her) on the way! There are indeed wonderful things happening. My nostalgia-sadness compounds when I should be appreciating them more. Here's to a BETTER FUTURE! ALWAYS!

I did finish this yesterday:

And here, taken with my new iPhone (thanks kids!), the gloaming at the end of the year:






1/1/2021 -- next page